When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the emotional bonds which have connected the person with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the curiosity of exploring outside one’s social circle, a decent respect to the opinions of the person requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to actually purchase a goddamn 3 month subscription to Match.com.
Where love costs $19.99 a month! For 3 months! Upfront.
Perhaps it was the boredom. Perhaps it was my dislike of meeting people at bars and clubs. Perhaps it was the lack of time for parties within my schedule juggling school, a job, meetings and an internship. Perhaps it was the realization that walking through the Sahara in July is an accurate analogy to my ever-expanding dry spell. Perhaps it was a temporary lapse of a feeling of loneliness on a Friday night. Perhaps it was the result of having had a recent, minor heartbreak.
But to be honest, it was probably the four drinks, the Air Supply playing in the background, and the fact that I can’t successfully hide my wallet from myself. Hence, as of about 1:34am on Friday, March 6, 2009, I have successfully blown 50 bucks on a 3-month subscription to Match.com.
God dammit.
I had buyer’s remorse almost immediately the next morning. What the hell did I just pay for, anyway? Another social networking site? I can barely stand Facebook. What makes me think anyone worthwhile is going to be on this site, as opposed to hidden from view at work? Why the fuck would I really need to use an onine dating service?! Of all the online dating services available, why the hell did I decided to choose Match.com?!?!
See, when sober, these are the questions that stop you from doing something stupid like blowing your cash on online dating services. Yet here I am, having acquired something in an altered state of mind that I otherwise never thought I would use. Now, I ask thee…
What is there left to do but take full advantage of the situation?
Thus, I went back on Match.com and padded my profile. At the very least, I can meet some interesting people off of this. Or find a resource for some interesting blogposts. Also, I read the damn Terms of Use and found out that getting a refund requires actually MAILING Match.com via snail mail within three days of subscribing. You mean I have to physically get up and drive to my post office? Fuck that.
BEHOLD, the most awesome profile ever created on this site:
I am aware of the stigma that comes with trying to find companionship via an online dating service. I sure as hell wouldn’t have done this in any other condition. Consider this my act of public service to my peers. I shall dive into unknown waters, so you don’t have to!
I expect the offers and gifts to start rolling in immediately.
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