Repubbies win VA and NJ gov races; White House doesn’t give a shit.

Virginia and New Jersey elected Republican governors this week, and of course everyone blames the President. We’re all wondering if Governor Corzine was somehow harmed by the President’s appearances at rallies, and why; maybe the President has lost his magic touch with the young folks who were MIA on Election Day; maybe it means the Democrats have peaked and are sliding down the polls of effectiveness and popularity.

Newsflash: The White House doesn’t give a shit.

And I mean they really don’t give a shit. One of the best things about this administration is that they don’t let these things get in the way of the big picture, and most importantly, they stay focused heading towards their current goals. It shows in the way the top dogs perform their jobs.

The Gibbmeister’s press briefing the morning of Election Day showed very little concern for how the outcome would affect the party:

“I don’t think looking at the two gubernatorial races you can draw with any great insight what’s going to happen a year from now, any more than if Jake’s team wins tonight I can tell who’s going to win next year’s World Series.”

 

“]

"I guess what I'm saying is, I don't give a shit. Next question."

 

After the election, Axelrod predictably kept it cool on MSNBC: “I sure wouldn’t draw too many conclusions from two state-wide races with their own unique sets of circumstances.”

As well we shouldn’t. What effect does this election have on the administration, its policies, or its overall popularity in the entire country now or in the future? Jack shit. Sure, the administration is supposed to act like they don’t care, but you have to admit the whole situation is being played up by the small, desperate part of the population that needs any reason to smile again.

 

O'Reilly, in a rare moment of smiling without the aid of sarcasm.

 

God knows the big boss doesn’t think this affects him now, let alone 3 years from now. Speaking to the head of the Navajo Nation, just yesterday, the Pres’ tongue slipped: “So for the next eight years…The next four years at least. Let me not jump the gun…”

You tell ‘em, Barry.

Mad Men hit me right here, man. Right here. *touches heart*

Last night I watched Mad Men, as I do every Sunday because that it’s an amazing show, and Nip/Tuck has sucked since they moved the show to Los Angeles (personal disappointment, so much could have been done to save it). I have to say, this episode was nothing short of amazing, thought it touched on a delicate time in American History, the assassination of JFK.

The entire show revolved around the character’s personal reaction to the incident, and I have no reason to believe it was much different in real life. Every character took it personally, even those whom we know didn’t vote for the President. They sat at the edge of their seats, watching every newscast, since it was first announced the President was first wounded in downtown Dallas, to the confirmation of his death, to Lee Harvey Oswalds assassination by Jack Ruby.

Stay strong, Don. Stay strong.

I cried. I fucking cried. Well, maybe I didn’t bawl or scream or anything like that, but I teared up, and tried my best to hide it from about 12 roommates (I live in a dorm house). I think the feeling was mutual around the room, there was a deep depression that kept everyone quiet focused on the show. It’s not hard to imagine being in that situation, under a visually familiar president who graced every possible media screen and radio wave around the world, a young man who brought a fresh and new spring to American politics, a leader who arguably engaged the youngest and widest demographic of the United States into public service, a President who reminded us of our adventurous need for progress, a champion figure for contemporary civil rights. Do I need to continue making parallels?

And I don’t think I’m exaggerating. It’s difficult to argue the positive mythical symbolism of President Obama’s persona, whether you like him or not.

Some of my roommates just sat quietly, and a select few (who are now on my mental shit-list) scoffed and remarked what a shame no one (read: they) would care these days. I in particular couldn’t hold back the tears. I’m sure most of it came from seeing people react to JFK’s assassination. But a lot of it came from the sheer thought that it was possible today. And how much worse would it be for a President who has embraced every possible technology that surrounds our lives like he does?

I can’t imagine that disappearing so suddenly. Under no other President would this episode have been so relevant.

Star Wars: Episode II…now in CUTE!

Anyone who’s been keeping up with my Facebook page knows I’ve gotten a little Star Wars crazy lately. Perhaps to near-dangerous/sad limits.

 

Too much?

 

I’ve watched A New Hope before and wasn’t too enticed, until a special somebody exposed me to the entire series, including the prequels. Ladies and gentlemen, the prequels are AWESOME. Too awesome. There’s way more political commentary, more complicated plotlines, kick-ass special effects, sweet costumes, and double-sided light sabers.

Before hardcore fans begin pillaging my house and torturing my family, I never said the originals weren’t good…they are after all necessary to the completion of the story (I guess). But as Peter Griffin once said in reference to his favorite movies, “I love the money pit.” Amen.

Last month I moved from Los Angeles to Washington DC, but left my special someone a little gift. What do you give a hardcore Star Wars fan who already has everything George Lucas could conceivably slap a SW logo on? Something you make yourself, of course! And while you’re at it, make it disturbingly cute:

 

Anakin Pawalker/Anakin Skywalker

 

I had a little help from Build-A-Bear on this one. I was REALLY hoping they would already have Star Wars costumes available, and when they didn’t I bitched for about a week before I gathered my testicles together and decided to make the costume my goddamn self. This little guy was bought from Build-A-Bear Workshop, as were his booties and black pants. The robe was pieced together from an old brown shirt and the leather parts were bought from a craft store. I braided some soft string together to make the jedi braid, and then sewed it behind the bear’s ear.

But you can’t have Anakin without Pawdme (GET IT?):

 

Pawdme Amidala/Padme Amidala

 

Pawdme was much harder to make. I had to enlist the help of my BFF to help complete her on time. Again the bear was bought at BABW, as were her shoes and a plain gold dress. The ribbons and flowers were bought at a craft store and glued or sewn on to the appropriate places, and the ear-nets had to be handmade and placed on the headband (also a ribbon).

This is from a specific scene in Episode II where Anakin and Padme share their first kiss at a picnic. How cute would that scene be in teddy bears?

 

My God, it's like you're seeing double!

 

More pics can be found in the Etcetera tab. A big thanks to The Padawan’s Guide, as they were my main reference in crafting the bears. May the soft, fluffyness be with you.

Prove your Kenyan nationality, too!

If you drive south on the I-5 from Los Angeles far enough, you’ll pass a billboard that asks the age-old question:

Kinda like "Where's the beef?" except it's not funny, and it makes me die a little inside.

As I drove by it last week, it baffled me why someone would fork up money to purchase ad space to question Barack Obama’s nationality when his birth certificate is POSTED ON HIS FUCKING SITE. Chuckling to myself, I continued on my merry way and forgot about the sad, petty person (or people) who paid for that billboard.

I was cleaning out my old attic this morning, shuffling between dusty boxes and moldy photo albums, when I found my original birth certificate. “Holy shit-on-a-stick,” I muttered. “I’m Kenyan, too!”

And by “cleaning” I mean “surfing,” and by “old attic” I mean this awesome site. Feel free to make your own! Just make sure you destroy it properly before you run for President.

Villaraigosa’s Tweets in Slang to his Peeps

A friend forwarded me this article on L.A. Observed about the LA Mayor’s Twitter account. Turns out it’s not really Villaraigosa tweeting, but some Harvard college student interning at his office named Harry Rimalower.

Now, political offices, organizations and companies do this all the time – they have a designated tweeter to speak on their behalf because God knows the big cheeses don’t have time to tweet every hour. Most of the time it’s pretty obvious it is a designated tweeter, usually because the main page will tell you the message comes from a general office rather than the big guy. But in this case, it’s because the tweeter will write something you know the Mayor would never say. And sometimes, make the mistake of writing it in a completely different account:

————

“HTRimalower: http://www.laobserved.com/archive/2009/06/villaraigosa_tweets_the_n.php: Why is L.A. Observed hating on me?”

Word, dawg.

————

At this point I have to ask this college intern: What the HELL were you thinking?

Seriously. “Why is LA Observed hating on me?!” Does that sound like something ANY politician would say? What on God’s green Earth would prompt you to believe that a) the mayor gives a shit about anything L.A. Observed said about a Twitter account, and b) that he would respond in stereotypical street slang IN PUBLIC? The last politician to speak slag openly was Michael Steel, and even he learned his lesson.

Harry, my friend, you have a lot to learn about the world of political imaging. I guess that’s the class you’ve been skipping at Harvard.

One Week, No Drink!

We’ve all had those nights. Those nights when you go just a little too overboard with the Bacardi. And the Smirnoff. And the Jack. And the wine.

You can’t help it. The night is young, drinks are plentiful. The stereo is booming, the crowd is singing along to Bon Jovi, and you pick up the dog’s front paws so it looks like you’re both dancing. And that second glass of red looks mighty good.

Those nights when you wake up and swear you’re never going to drink again.

Yeah, I had one of those. Rather, I’ve had far too many of those lately.

So I’m putting myself through a little detox. One week, no drink. Shouldn’t be too hard, right? People DON’T drink all the time – or so I’ve heard.

So Iowa, Vermont and DC Think They’re the Shit Now? California Loses It’s Cool

California used to be the baddest motherfucker in the Union. We were social ultra-liberals, prius-driving environmentalists, pot-smoking hippies, Atheist sinners. The Golden State where anything’s possible and people won’t judge you for being different. We were even the first cool state to legalize gay marriage, in the sense that Massachusetts is kind of a loner and we only invite Connecticut to parties because he has a hot sister.

But we made the mistake of letting the majority overrule the very purpose of our courts, and the rest of the country sneered behind our backs about how we were all talk and we weren’t as progressive as we said we were.

This entire time, Iowa was sitting alone on the benches, eating corn on the cob for lunch and wondering why he isn’t the most popular kid in class even though he has a 4.2 GPA and ALWAYS votes for class president first.

When Iowa heard about California’s predicament, Iowa saw it’s chance to finally be cool. Iowa legalized gay marriage  - without repeating Cali’s mistake and avoiding all that “majority rules” bullshit – and now he’s walking the halls like he’s the greatest shit to ever happen as this country’s new progressive state. It was enough to catch the eye of Vermont, Connecticut’s hot sister, and ‘cause she’s an attention whore she joined Iowa in his little circle of ephemeral glory.

Even DC, the school janitor (in that he’s not exactly a student but has to clean up everyone else’s shit), has shown up California as way cooler right now. And rumors say Virginia, the girl always chainsmoking in the bathroom, might be next.

You know what, Iowa? Enjoy your 15 minutes of popularity. Sure, legalizing gay-marriage makes you socially responsible, but it’s not enough to bring you to Cali’s level of cool. Ever. Sure, we made a mistake, but we’re constantly trying to find ways to overcome our mistake, and we won’t fail the second time around. AND we’re already checking into legalizing things that will make us SO cool it’ll make your corn pop.

If you need us, we’ll be over here legalizing pot.

Why the Recession is Good for Us

It’s hard to make a statement like that with the amount of jobs losses, home foreclosures and financial setbacks going on. The recession has affected everyone to an extent, some worse than others. I’ll admit I’ve been very lucky – I have had to make some major cutbacks in conveniences, but at least I still have a shitty job that can eek me through a month, and I am not tied down to dependents I have to support. But because I sympathize with those who have seen the worst of the recession, because I’m aware my security is not guaranteed, because I know there are people in this world who will be fucked beyond help if something isn’t done soon, and because I know we can and should do better for ourselves, I’m as outraged as anyone else aware of the facts.

As we should be. A few shots from the G20 protests in London:

But in the midst of the crisis, I see an amazing ray of potential in our collective outrage. We are not just concerned about immoral bankers and corrupt loopholes in laws – we’re concerned about poverty, climate change, and (finally!) the limitations and consequences of heavy capitalism.

US government responses to the recession really are genius considering our limited resources. Obama’s American Recovery and Reinvestment Act includes tax cuts for the majority of Americans, an increase in available unemployment benefits, and generous investments in infrastructure, education and healthcare investments. At the very least, it’s a huge step up from a last year’s rebate that I used to pay off my Visa.

And it's pretty, too.

Things have been pretty bad since then, and they’re about to get worse before they get better. But at the bottom of this Pandora’s box is the realization that the public is not blind to corporate and government actions, and more importantly that we are all seeking a stronger voice in our own economy. We are realizing that we need to find common ground to get out of our rut, and that the only way we can ensure fair-play in the future is by ensuring we all have a fair shot at real opportunity – first by socializing the programs that make playing the field possible: education, healthcare and welfare.

The biggest obstacle towards democratic socialism is the fear of enforcing strict regulations on our market, but if we’ve learned anything in the past few months it’s that it’s not enough to entrust companies with a blank check in our name. Bank of America spends $10 million of the bail-out money on a superbowl party, and AIG hands out over $100 thousand in bonuses. We shouldn’t have been surprised – businesses don’t have the common interest in mind, it’s intuitive they focus on profit and internal strength. It’s increasingly clear they haven’t been playing fair with the public, either.

This recession doesn’t have to be cause for a depression – in any sense of the word. It can be good for us; it’s our wake-up call. Now, we can see where unregulated market has taken us. We see the limitations of capitalism. We have been given an amazing opportunity to rethink our and our government’s involvement in the economy. We don’t just have to be consumers, but reformers. And we need to start by ignoring the fears that come with the outdated stereotypes of Socialism. A more socialized economy is right where we’re headed anyway, this time by popular demand.

To the Asshole who tagged my car with a Sharpie last night…

Joke’s on you! I haven’t washed my car in 9 months. The build up of the dirt and grime made wiping your illegible bullshit off with a paper napkin a breeze. By the way, you misspelled “rules.”

Dick.

TheLibyanSibyl enters the wonderful world of online dating (so you don’t have to!)

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the emotional bonds which have connected the person with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the curiosity of exploring outside one’s social circle, a decent respect to the opinions of the person requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to actually purchase a goddamn 3 month subscription to Match.com.

Where love costs $19.99 a month! For 3 months! Upfront.

Perhaps it was the boredom. Perhaps it was my dislike of meeting people at bars and clubs. Perhaps it was the lack of time for parties within my schedule juggling school, a job, meetings and an internship. Perhaps it was the realization that walking through the Sahara in July is an accurate analogy to my ever-expanding dry spell. Perhaps it was a temporary lapse of a feeling of loneliness on a Friday night. Perhaps it was the result of having had a recent, minor heartbreak.

But to be honest, it was probably the four drinks, the Air Supply playing in the background, and the fact that I can’t successfully hide my wallet from myself. Hence, as of about 1:34am on Friday, March 6, 2009, I have successfully blown 50 bucks on a 3-month subscription to Match.com.

God dammit.

I had buyer’s remorse almost immediately the next morning. What the hell did I just pay for, anyway? Another social networking site? I can barely stand Facebook. What makes me think anyone worthwhile is going to be on this site, as opposed to hidden from view at work? Why the fuck would I really need to use an onine dating service?! Of all the online dating services available, why the hell did I decided to choose Match.com?!?!

See, when sober, these are the questions that stop you from doing something stupid like blowing your cash on online dating services. Yet here I am, having acquired something in an altered state of mind that I otherwise never thought I would use. Now, I ask thee…

What is there left to do but take full advantage of the situation?

Thus, I went back on Match.com and padded my profile. At the very least, I can meet some interesting people off of this. Or find a resource for some interesting blogposts. Also, I read the damn Terms of Use and found out that getting a refund requires actually MAILING Match.com via snail mail within three days of subscribing. You mean I have to physically get up and drive to my post office? Fuck that.

BEHOLD, the most awesome profile ever created on this site:

I am aware of the stigma that comes with trying to find companionship via an online dating service. I sure as hell wouldn’t have done this in any other condition. Consider this my act of public service to my peers. I shall dive into unknown waters, so you don’t have to!

I expect the offers and gifts to start rolling in immediately.