Bullshit: The Sistine Chapel is Copyrighted?! I want my Credit Card.
As you all know (or you should know, if you read my blog, and you are doing that right now so YOU SHOULD KNOW) the Libyan Sibyl is famously depicted by Michelangelo on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican. She is one of the 12 Sibyls that border the depiction of Genesis on the outskirts of the ceiling:
Am I not allowed to post these? Too bad.
Obviously, I’m a big fan. One of the highlights of my life was seeing this masterpiece in person. So when I saw that Wells Fargo had a free service called “Design Studio,” I saw an opportunity to promote my fandom on my credit and debit cards. I had so much fun making them and I was so excited about getting my newly designed cards I went home and waited by the mailbox for two days.
Today I received two emails stating my designs for both cards were NOT approved for printing. According to Wells Fargo, the following images are not acceptable:
- Trademarks, copyrighted materials, advertising, or branding.
- Celebrities, musicians, athletes, entertainers, or other public figures.
- Telephone numbers, URLs, account numbers, addresses, or email addresses.
- Cartoon characters or artwork that you have not created and/or do not have permission from the copyright owner to use.
- Violent, offensive, anti-social, or death imagery – including any other material that could be perceived as violent.
- Provocative, lewd, or sexual content – including nude, semi-nude, or partially clothed pictures of people of any age.
- Dead animals, including game animals.
- Political or religious imagery.
- Symbols representing money or other content that might result in confusion at the point of sale, or that might result in card fraud.
- Socially unacceptable or discriminatory behavior or signs (for example, gangs, hatred, drug or alcohol abuse, graffiti, profanity, or other obscene behavior or gestures).
- Images of flags, unless it is one of the flag-related images from our photo gallery.
So there’s a lot that can’t be put on the card – and, Wells Fargo being a private company, it’s understandable that they would not want to be responsible for putting up offensive or divisive images on something that displays their logo. That’s fine, that’s not my beef. But it turns out being “provocative,” “discriminatory or even “religious” isn’t the offense. Michelangelo’s Libyan Sibyl falls under “copyrighted materials” so I can’t have the image printed on my goddamn cards.
Strict copyright laws are a fairly recent invention, so many famous works of art created prior to the Industrial Revolution fall under public domain. Works by Shakespeare and Beethoven, for example, are open to the public and are not copyrighted by any person or party. So I thought I was safe in assuming Michelangelo, a High Renaissance, early 16th-Century, artist fell under public domain. I was dead wrong. Way back in the 1980s, the Chapel had begun a long and very expensive restoration process, and that’s when fight between public domain and modern copyright law got ugly:
They issued a call for public sponsorship, the Japanese TV network NHK stepped forward with a proposal. NHK would pay for the restoration, in return for exclusive film and publication rights…NHK paid between $3 and $4 Million. The Vatican could only license the copyrights of a public domain work due to an old quirk of copyright law. The original artwork may be in the public domain, but a photograph of that artwork may be copyrighted as a new unique work. The photograph taken today becomes a new copyrighted work with new intellectual property rights.
So the work itself is not copyrighted. But any photo taken of the work is copyrighted. So you can’t use any photo of the work, unless you take it yourself. And I’ve been to the Sistine Chapel, and you are not allowed to take photos of the ceiling yourself (You can’t escape the Vatican guard who keeps screaming “NO FOTO!”). And 12 years into the new millennium, I can’t get the Libyan Sibyl on my credit card. And for that I call bullshit.
Look What I Found! A New Libyan Sibyl!
Woah…check this out:
That is Lucas van Leyden’s Libyan Sibyl, from his series of Sibyls, circa 1530CE. I had no idea this depiction of the LS existed. A print is available for view at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. She’s a beaut, isn’t she?
Possible Priming Ads on News Networks?
This morning an article on Cracked.com glanced over the basic effects of Priming – a psychological effect in which stimulus that often goes unnoticed influences a subsequent and sometimes immediate action, mood or behavior. Before I lose you, consider the noted example that many grocery chains place flowers at the entrance of their stores to “prime” customers into associating the store with “freshness” and carrying feeling throughout their shopping experience.
Most interestingly, the article links to a study that states this marketing phenomenon is also used to sell commercial space on television networks. The general idea is that in a world with TiVOs and DVRs it’s more difficult to get viewers to watch television ads, so marketing companies are always exploring innovative ways to make viewers WANT to watch ads. One technique blends the context of a show with that of an upcoming ad, and vice versa, so they blend “seamlessly” and make the viewer more likely to sit through the ads:
“They call the idea ‘TV in Context’…Turner executives proposed an idea: If a scene of The Office takes place in a Chili’s, follow that with a spot for Chili’s. If a car in a movie crashes, follow with a spot for GM’s OnStar.”
Due to the demands of my career I watch major cable news networks at work (CNN, MSNBC, FOX News – If I really have to), and being aware of the roles these networks play in the game that is American Political Theatre I wondered if/how ads are placed in the context of their scheduled programming. I give you a short, informal observation of ads within political programming throughout Tuesday, January 24, 2012, PST:
- MSNBC, 11:54am: News Nation. They’re covering the upcoming State of the Union Address (SOTU) tonight. The host is now closing his show and announcing Martin Bashir is up next. Quick cut to a Bayer asprin commercial: Someone who survived a heart attack is recommending Bayer as a preventative medication. Good choice, most news programs are enough to give you a heart-attack, or at least a headache. Last ad before Bashir: That CITI’s rock-climbing ad with the fucking annoying song.
- MSNBC, 12:11pm: Martin Bashir is ripping on some Rep. Joe Walsh for his party’s contrarian stances against the President. Cut to a funky ad about…jazz? Shit! I looked away for a second and missed the logo. Well, the next ad is Kayak. Ad that leads back into Bashir is a network add for the SOTU. Makes sense.
- CNN, 12:18pm: Caught the middle of an AAG Reverse ad. Followed into a SOTU ad then into a “CNN Political Update” graphic that says Romney released his tax returns. They went into a detailed breakdown of his tax forms and later transitioned into a MyLife.com ad, a people search site where you can “edit and control your online presence.” After seeing how Romney’s info was scrutinized I feel like I need to protect my crap from the public eye.
- FOX News, 12:46pm: Studio B is on, quoting Republican’s statements on the SOTU before it’s even aired (SHOCK: they’re not flattering comments). A snarky comment on how much a glass of wine costs at some government event (too much?). Lead into a Scottrade ad promoting their mobile app. I assume a lot of fiscal conservatives are watching and need to be on the defensive against their fiscal situations, because most of the ads relate to taxes and insurance. There are also a few ads for attorneys who will defend you against the IRS or sue the pants off medication companies.
- Fox News, 12:55pm: I don’t care what’s next, I can’t take it anymore.
- Current TV, 1:09pm: I really shouldn’t have counted this network but I thought it would be funny to note that “Cage Fighting in the USA” transitioned into an ad for “The War Room with Jennifer Granholm.” She must be a fighter.
- CNN, 1:25pm: The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer is on, and Dana Bash is covering the GOP’s negative comments against the SOTU. Updates on the Gingrich campaign and that cruise ship disaster coming up. Transition into a Tax Masters ad. Okay, maybe they’re not so well planned. But we should always stay alert.
Goddamn, how long has it been since I’ve posted anything?
Almost two years. And it’s been an eventful two years. And the only thing it took for me to remember I owned a blog was the rest of the internet blacking out. There is much to rethink here. Maybe a new look and a new direction. Time for a little clean up.
PETA Puns
(Since becoming a guest contributor to Neon Tommy’s Forum, sometimes I get lazy about updating. Eventually, I have to ease the guilt of ignoring this blog. So to help balance my desire to post with the desire to sit on my ass and write Neon Tommy posts/watch the Project Runway finale, I have invited fellow Angelene blogger Sir Fluffington, Esq., as a guest writer on my blog. Behold, Fluff’s first post. Enjoy!)
You know, the art of punditry is a delicate matter. It’s like a lady, you have to treat it right and then just at the right moment, at that perfect timing, it all just comes together so beautifully and you make sweet sweet love. Maybe pull her hair a little too. But the most important thing is not to force it. That’s not how you treat a lady, you don’t just grab her at any point in time and jam your penis into her just because you goddamn feel like it.
So important lesson for PETA: STOP FUCKING RAPING THE BEAUTIFUL CREATURE THAT IS A PUN.
Case in point: For a poster/campaign against JCrew, they titled it JCruel. See how lovely that is? It just works so well, it’s so simple, and with just a gentle nudge the title says so much withouth being in your face about it. Everybody gets some, everybody is happy.
Another case in point: For MasterCard, they’ve decided to switch it up to “NastyCard.” Now this isn’t awful since it still flows a little bit, but it’s like trying to fuck a chick when she says she has a headache. You insist on it, come up with some bullshit excuses, tell her you love her, she sighs, rolls over, and you have mediocre sex. It’s NOT cool, man.
But, another case in point: for POM, the pomegranate juice, their tagline is “POM Wonderful” … PETA has turned it into “POM Horrible” -_- This one is just sad. There really is no better way to illustrate rape. This is like when you’re having an argument with someone, and you come up with a really good insult, and their only response is “…oh yeah… well more like POM HORRIBLE! AM I RIGHT??” (No. No he is not right. He’s just trying way too hard to impress the ladies. No one is buying what you’re selling, Frank! Just cut it out, for fuck’s sake. You have a family, man. What are you right now, like 40 years old? WE’RE SICK OF YOUR SHIT FRANK.)
Anyway, I think I’ve made my point. Some of these are cute, but most of the time I’m sitting here with that look of disappointment on my face, wondering which douchebag came up with the tagline and which dumbass actually thought it was a good idea. I would fire my employees for dumbass ideas. Or at least hire my dear friend Mulkey to just sit there and give them that look of death.
I’m watching you PETA. Impress me.
Sir Fluffington, Esq. is a guest writer. More fluff-related writing can be found at the fluff n stuff.
Pretentious Prius
I love the Prius. When I first set eyes on that beauty, I thought it looked like an egg. I drove my first Prius at my old taxi job, until they banned me from driving it for speeding in it. Sometimes I hear lip about how pretentious those cars are. But I don’t care. I still want my Prius. There’s a ton of other hybrids on the streets, but at this point there’s nothing more Californian than owning one.
Monocle and Top Hat Included. Because how cool would that be?
Palin’s Retarded Whack-A-Gaffe
Palin wanted Rahm Emmanuel fired for saying the term “fucking retarded,” then went to campaign for Gov. Rick Perry the same week, where his top aide Dave Carney was noted to have used the term several times a year before, then a week later defended Rush Limbaugh’s use of the term on his show because it was “satirical.”
Confusing? It’s okay, this cartoon pretty much sums it up.
Too Much for One Guy
A quick cartoon sketched after passing Obama’s first year in office. Happy work-birthday, dude. Remember to take it easy.
Fuck you, George Lucas.
Fuck you, George Lucas. Four months ago I made my special someone some Star Wars themed teddy bears from Build-A-Bear Workshop.
Anakin Pawalker/Anakin Skywalker - How fucking cute is that?
Pawdme Amidala/Padme Amidala - EVEN CUTER, GOD DAMMIT.
And they were fucking adorable. I guess at some point you noticed how awesome they were and wanted a piece of the action.
A friend of mine works at BABW, and when I was picking him up to head to the bar today he told me about the new, incoming Star Wars outfits at work:
I would've made this but I was too lazy.
GAY.
I can say without hesitation, mine looks WAY better. You asshat, George Lucas.
Fuck you, George Lucas. I would have KILLED for these outfits 4 months ago. I was willing to do terrible, terrible, sexually explicit things to get these outfits for some fucking teddy bears. But it wasn’t about that, was it? You just couldn’t resist, could you? You saw my shit online and just had to jack my idea and slap your fucking name on it in the name of “intellectual property,” huh, dickhead? Don’t think I don’t know jack about USC film students. Fuck you up the ass. Hard.
I hereby take ALL credit on giving George “Assvagina” Lucas this idea. Just slap the Star Wars name on some sextoys and get it over with.
By the way, Something Something Something Dark Side wasn’t as good as Blue Harvest, though I’m sure you got your share of the action. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
The Most Important Facebook Note You Will Ever Read
This Facebook question-list has been going on for a while, so since most people I know filled it out, I decided I would, too. Since I spent so much time on it I thought it would be a great post for the blog, too. There are WAY too many questions for this FB note, but I’m bored and lonely right now so here goes 30 minutes of my life.
FB List title: “IMPORTANT NOTE.”
1. What time did you get up this morning?
7AM, dropped off someone at the airport.
2. How do you like your steak?
In my tummy.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
2012 and I almost didn’t survive. I spent the next four hours after I got home emailing death threats to Roland Emmerich and most staff members at Sony and Columbia pictures.
4. What is your favorite TV show?
I mean seriously, I’ve never had to describe a movie as an abortion before, but 2012 is an abortion of a movie. It’s just that terrible.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
Like seriously, I cannot believe this movie passed through as many levels as it did to get to the public theatres. Screenplay approval, casting, actual filming, public test screenings. Really, what self-respecting person or movie company would allow this steaming piece of shit film to hit theatres?
6. What did you have for breakfast?
It wasn’t even worth the disaster scenes! The city disaster scenes lasted not 10 combined minutes. For a 2 hour and 38 minutes movie, that meant sitting through 2 hours and 28 minutes of pure cinematic urine. I would rather have a golden shower than watch 2012 again.
7. What is your favorite cuisine?
And to think of how much money was shoved up an elephant’s ass to make this film. $260 million dollars, people. $260. During a recession. One in six Americans go hungry every fucking day, and Roland Emmerich basically spit in their faces, and punched the rest of us in the balls. Why, Roland, why?
8. What foods do you dislike?
I used to have a crush on John Cusack. There, I said it. Thought he was cute. Now, I won’t even sleep with him if he asked. How desperate are you for work, that you’ll accept a part in a movie thinking it will be awesome based on title and budget, without actually reading the screenplay or seeing who else is cast? Is that really how you go through your career? Just jumping head-first into piles of shit? (Note: I haven’t seen any of your previous movies, I’ve only seen pictures of you, but now I won’t even bother trying to watch any of your fucking movies.)
9. Favorite Place to Eat?
There were so many hanging threads to the plot. In the beginning in the little girl has a problem with wetting the bed. She wears Pull-Ups. Then it’s never mentioned in the movie again. Ever. Like, NEVER FUCKING EVER. It never even become an obstacle in a scenario when THE WORLD IS FUCKING ENDING. I’m a grown-ass woman, and if I was watching Santa Monica plummet into the fucking Pacific ocean you bet your ass I’d wet myself.
10. Favorite dressing?
Yet this little 7-year-old manages to keep it in. And the only thing reminding you that she even had a problem to begin with is whispering “No more Pull-Ups” to John Cusack at the end. What the fuck? Why did you even leave that in, Roland Emmerich, if you weren’t going to work it into the movie? Why?
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive?
Am I the only one who’s noticed that Oliver Platt is always cast as the asshole? Like, every goddamn time? I saw this guy in screen and I immediately though “Oh, some shit’s about to go down.”
12. What are your favorite clothes?
Maybe it’s just me, but I am way to optimistic to believe that just because people are rich they would be evil enough to let hundreds of thousands of people meet their deaths within minutes.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
Even if this WAS a plausible scenario, and the world DID have a deadline, everyone would know about it. The fucking earth slowly shifting, the weather getting dramatically hotter, ANY physical change would be noticeable to the average person.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
Yet the government kept it all secret for two years until it all went to shit. Apparently, there are only about 20 scientists around the world and they are ALL working directly for the US government.
15. Where would you want to retire?
Every single character here was a ridiculous stereotype. The Russians, in particular, that was just painful. Think of the most Russian stereotype you can think of. We’re talking, back when they were “the enemy,” Cold-War style Russian stereotype. Cold, broody, extremely wealthy, and thus very selfish, and the thickest accent you can think of.
16. Favorite time of day?
I know what you’re thinking.
17. Where were you born?
This is a disaster film, you don’t go see it for plot. You go see it to have fun and watch shit get pummeled.
18. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Oh, I know, my friend.
19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
See, that’s what I thought, too. I’m an avid reader of review summaries, and I was excited to see this movie until the reviews came out. I have RottenTomatoes.com bookmarked and check it religiously. The reviews are bad, people. Real bad.
We WERE warned. We just didn't listen.
20. Person you expect to tag you back first?
That’s actually why I didn’t see it opening day. But decided to see it recently with a friend.
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?
Because fuck it, I wanted to have fun that day and it seems like a movie that required the least amount of thought. I just wanted a disaster movie, popcorn, and ICEE, and fun. I wanted a thrill ride.
22. Bird watcher?
But I got shit. Shit that I was warned about, but didn’t listen to.
23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
“Beware 2012, which works the dubious miracle of almost matching Transformers 2 for sheer, cynical, mind-numbing, time-wasting, money-draining, soul-sucking stupidity.” – Peter Travers of Rolling Stone.
24. Do you have any pets?
“A boring, stupid, overlong, obnoxious, soulless piece of Hollywood ‘product.’” – Mike McGranaghan of Aisle Seat.
25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?
“2012 is so long, and its special effects are at once so outrageous and so thunderously predictable, that by the time I lurched from the theatre I felt that three years had actually passed and that the apocalypse was due any second.” – Anthony Lane of The New Yorker.
26. What did you want to be when you were little?
“Despite gasp worthy special effects, ’2012′ clunks along with yakety, cliched speeches and a familiar aka cliched plot that taps into virtually every disaster flick ever produced.” Steve Crum of Video-Reviewmaster.com
27. What is your best childhood memory?
“…delivers what it promises, and since no sentient being will buy a ticket expecting anything else, it will be, for its audiences, one of the most satisfactory films of the year.” – Roger Ebert, who gave it 3 1/2 out of 4 stars.
28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Fuck you, Roger Ebert. Fuck you up the ass.
29. Are you married?
See this is one thing I kept seeing in the reviews. Apparently everyone fucking hate it, but thinks that it’s “core audience” would love it.
30. Always wear your seat belt?
Who exactly do these people think the core audience is? How little credit are the American people given these days? Do they think the only people who like watching shit blow up are so mindless and retarded that they wouldn’t care for a plausible and marginally tolerable plot?
31. Been in a car accident?
I love explosions. I love CGI. I love shiny things. I love disaster scenes. I eat that shit up like hot wings. I fucking LOVE the money-pit. In fact, my last (and only) selling point was that I got to see LA crumble to fucking pieces. Who wouldn’t want to see that? I would, and that’s why I fucking went.
32. Any pet peeves?
And granted, the city disaster scene was awesome. It was the only time I didn’t regret living during the movie.
33. Favorite Pizza toppings?
But why did that last about 10 minutes? If it didn’t it fucking felt like it.
34. Favorite Flower?
One of the biggest problems is that every character never seemed to grasp the severity of the situation. The world is fucking ending. California just dropped into the ocean. Volcanos are going off like mad all over the world. Millions of people died in the course of 20 hours. There’s a tidal wave that’s going to engulf the last of the human survivors not 5 minutes away.
35. Favorite ice cream?
Yet somehow, when the the “hero,” John Cusack’s character, has to dive down and dislodge something so the ark portals close and save humanity, the entire fucking ship has to STOP and WATCH HIS EVERY MOVE on a PERFECTLY-ANGLED UNDERWATER CAMERA.
36. Favorite fast food restaurant?
So for about 5 of the longest minutes of your life, you’re watching a group of people watch one person dislodge something so 1 ship filled with the douchiest people alive can live. And the entire time you wonder WHY AREN’T THEY STILL MANNING THE SHIP?
37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test?
We’re talking some of the most high tech CGI ships every built, with the most advanced technology available, that can’t start it’s engines unless one door, which by the way has already been locked off from the rest of the ship to prevent flooding (thank you, Titanic), is closed. Nor can it fucking detect when a major tidal wave is 15 minutes away from destroying it. Did you forget to put fucking Google on it? One of the millions of people who were hit by the East wave must have at least updated his Twitter and warned the RICHEST, MOST POWERFUL, AND MOST ACCESSIBLE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.
38. From whom did you get your last email?
“@humansurvivors tidal wave comin frm east did u catch it? save urselfs! kthxbye fur reals.”
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Yet when John Cusack’s character is the ships last hope, with literally 5 minutes on the clock, he has time to fucking BOND WITH HIS SON and talking him out of his fear of the end of the world, which I assure you, has already and is still happening.
40. Do anything spontaneous lately?
Fuck your kid, dude, dislodge the fucking door. Please hurry. Oh. My. God. How long is your speech gonna take? Oh yeah, and everyone on the ship is fucking watching via camera and touched by this moment.
41. Like your job?
I…I just…
42. Broccoli?
Dude, Where’s My Car? used to be my most hated movie for the fact that it was the grandest waste of my life until this point. Now, 2012 is my most hated movie. I will never get those 3 hours of my life back.
43. What was your favorite vacation?
Dear Roland Emmerich,
44. Last person you went out to dinner with?
I understand the meaning in your movie. I really do. Of everyone who’s seen it, I might be the only one who can actually read between the lines.
45. What are you listening to right now?
You hate humanity. With a passion. You hate humanity so much that you made a movie about the world ending just so you could visually portray millions of people being mercilessly killed because of some stupid prophecy. It’s okay, we’ve all had that fantasy to an extent.
46. What is your favorite color?
But you wanted to bring dimension into your film, and you succeeded. You have actually made quite an intelligent comment about humanity and society. You’ve created a movie so terrible, you psychologically and emotionally harmed the people who actually watched it. In doing so, you have succeeded in “destroying humanity,” and culture, to a larger extent. By creating a 3-hour movie so fucking bland and fucking mind-numbing, you may have single-handedly made us question the very nature of humanity.
47. How many tattoos do you have?
After all, why would we all sit around and let something like this happen? By letting this film go through the extensive movie process: writing, casting, filming, hiring staff, screening tests, and having your friends(?) and family watch you do this, perhaps a stranger saw this in the process, and yet no one stopped you. Many of us see evil happening, and no one stands up against it. There were so many chances for someone to stand up and say “no.” Yet no one did. Isn’t that the very essense of humanity, Roland?
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
Really, we deserved to be destroyed, in every sense of the word. But in the end of it all, after all the damage is done, you are still the perpetrator of evil. Many of us will learn of humanity’s mistakes, but you will still be the one who had to take us to that level to see it. I’d love to thank you, I really sould, but that’s like wanting to thank Hitler for showing us how terrible genocide really is. So in the end, you still come up with nothing, and everyone hates you. We don’t want your stupid “art” if this is the harm it causes.
49. What time did you finish this quiz?
Love, Gloria
50. Coffee Drinker?
PS. Eat shit, asshole. I want my fucking 12 dollars back!
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